this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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