I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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