We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
