i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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