you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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