Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
