I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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