1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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