How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
