I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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