I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
