Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
