Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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