Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
