Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
