Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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