I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
