even my farts smell like vagina
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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