You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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