You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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