Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
