your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
