and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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