On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
