and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
