I just made out with a guy for $7.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
