My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I would fuck him just for his dog
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