i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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