Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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