she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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