She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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