Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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