i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
