I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
