So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
