I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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