I will die if light touches me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
