u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
