I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
