nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
