I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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