i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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