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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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• (585): View more from New York

  broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.

  (716): View more from New York

  you're writing country songs now?

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

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• (19): View more from

  Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  You have the best birthdays

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty

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• (407): View more from Florida

  My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.

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