I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
