I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
