but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
