Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
