dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
