Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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