I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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