I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
