i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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