Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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