I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
