you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
