Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Barsexuality is the new black.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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