we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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