better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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