Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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