It's like God shit irony all over that family
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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