please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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