I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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