Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize