Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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