Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
