what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
