i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
