my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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