I feel like I'm in dance class right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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