if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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