the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
