I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
