I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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