Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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