they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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